You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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