1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
