If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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