If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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