Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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