Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All the doctor said was why
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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