I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize