what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
