I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I look better un-naked...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
