hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
