Swine flu. Run for my life!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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