Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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