That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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