I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
