Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
