The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
