Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
