my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
