Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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