The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
