I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
