And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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