He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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