Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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