I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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