I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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