oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize