He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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