My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
