I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
