i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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