don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize