I could have mohawked her pubes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
