I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
