I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
