I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
