I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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