sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
