I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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