Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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