She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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