You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
