Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
