Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
