Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
