I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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