Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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