Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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