the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize