You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
