Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
