We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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