I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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