i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
