I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
