ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
