dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
