it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
