His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
