he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
