she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
