you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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