i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
