My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
