I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
