Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
