I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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