dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
